29-year-old bride refuses to let sister's 6-month-old newborn attend her wedding ceremony, chews her out when she declines to attend: 'She feels like I'm putting our baby above her wedding'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 24, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Everyone is allowed to have the wedding of their dreams. It's the one day when you get to make the rules and everyone has to follow them. You set the dress code, the playlist, the vibe, the food, the order of events, and you get to do what you want within reason. After all, nobody is forced to attend a wedding. Sure, you might feel obligated if you're family, but there are no musts in this life. 

A common stipulation that some couples have is children. Kids have a way of reliably throwing wrenches into fancy events. They're loud, they're messy, and they're unpredictable-- all difficult factors to handle when you're hosting a black-tie event. So some couples opt to leave kids out entirely. Hire a sitter or don't come. But what if it's your very own sister that won't be able to attend? Should exceptions be made then? Read on for the story and decide what you think.

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    via Taylor Kopel
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to attend my sister's child-free wedding after she asked me not to bring my baby?
    via u/important_seconds
  • 03
    My (34F) sister (29F) is getting married in three months. She's having a child-free wedding, which I totally respect. My husband (35M) and I have a 3-month-old baby. When my sister first told us about the child-free situation, I assumed there would be some flexibility for immediate family, especially newborns who can't be left alone.
    via u/important_seconds
  • 04
    I talked to my sister and asked if we could bring our baby to the ceremony, explaining I am breastfeeding and we don't feel comfortable leaving our baby with someone for an entire day. We have to fly into the town where she is getting married (and we don't know anyone there) so we would have to leave the baby with a stranger there, or leave the baby back home with someone we know for a long period of time. I am quite anxious about being away from our newborn for too long, which my sister knows.
    via u/important_seconds
  • 05
    To my surprise, my sister was adamant that no children, including our baby, would be allowed at the wedding. She said it wouldn't be fair to make an exception for us when other guests are also not allowed to bring their kids. I asked if we could at least bring the baby for the ceremony and leave afterward, but she said no, explaining she wants a strict no-kids atmosphere the entire day.
    via u/important_seconds
  • 06
    I told her that if our baby couldn't come, we'd likely skip the wedding because it's too hard to leave our newborn for such a long stretch of time. We thought about the idea of just having my husband attend, but that also seemed a bit strange too. I also don't want to just leave the baby with my husband and go by myself. My
    via u/important_seconds
  • 07
    sister got very upset with me, saying it's her special day, and she feels like I'm putting our baby above her wedding. She even hinted that I should. figure out how to "detach" from the baby for just a few days and that we should understand how important this event is for her.
    via u/important_seconds
  • 08
    Maybe I am being unreasonable for not willing to leave my baby behind, but I just feel like I should be there for my baby at all times (plus I know how anxious I am gonna feel that entire day). My sister's argument is that it's her wedding and her rules, and while I respect that, I also think she should be more understanding of our situation. for refusing to Am I really the attend her wedding if I can't bring my baby?
    via u/important_seconds
  • 09
    thealchemist1000- 20h ago • Another day, another AITA for not going to a child free wedding, or variations thereof. After 5 million of these stories, it's still difficult to understand why those holding child free weddings get upset when people with children can't/won't come to your precious wedding. It's equally difficult to understand why those with children keep wanting exceptions for their rugrats.
    via u/thealchemist1000-
  • 10
    Not the AH for not going, not the AH for wanting a child free wedding. There, i hope that clears it up for future posters. Also as a side note, no one has a bullet to your head about funding a wedding you don't want to attend. Don't fund it and don't attend it.
    via u/thealchemist1000-
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    Sol... • 20h ago Edited 15h ago • . I was at NA H. I mean, she doesn't want kids at her wedding. I get it. I've been to more than one where a squawling baby just interrupts the ceremony, or speeches, etc. Some the parents are awesome and rush the kid out of the room to calm it down, other parents just cluelessly give a "what can you do" and seem oblivious that they are interfering with things going on. Completely get it.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 12
    that said, when I got to this part she feels like I'm putting. our baby above her wedding. She even hinted that I should figure out how to "detach" from the baby for just a few days and that we should understand how important this event is for her.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 13
    Whoa there nellie. Holy , your sister is a piece of work for this statement. so NTA. I suspect she may regret such statements once the wedding is over or upon reflection. At least I would hope she does. Utter things to say.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 14
    Further. your kiddo will be around 6 months old at that point. This is not to say that the previous months and aren't wonderful etc etc etc... but around that 6 months mark... is getting AWESOME. Babies are laughing, they actually know you, the toy thing is kicking into gear and playing, they baby talk at you. You're doing the hold-hands- dance thing and they dig it. They're super fun. Sure the starts getting serious but, you know, good with the bad.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 15
    In the unsolicited advice section I would have said perhaps this is where since this is your sister, if you're good with flying with the kiddo, you do so. Then hubby just has the baby for a few hours while you do the wedding, and then you leave. However. would completely understand skipping this given sis's attitude.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
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    Irrel... • • 20h ago Edited 19h ago • INFO: Why are you not willing to leave the baby with your husband while you go to the wedding? Is he incompetent ? Edit: Just because it's not clear: OP doesn't have to travel alone and spend days away from her child. She can bring them along and breastfeed before/after the wedding. They would just have to leave the child with the dad for a couple hours. I was questionning why she wasn't willing to do that.
    via u/IrrelevantManatee
  • 17
    RileysVoice •19h ago • Why can't you and your husband go to the town that the wedding is in, he stays close by in a hotel with baby whilst you attend the ceremony, and then you can step out to go back to baby after the ceremony? Ultimately it's up to you, but you either compromise and find a way, or you'll never hear the end of it from sister. NAH as I don't think anyone is in the wrong here.
    via u/RileysVoice
  • 18
    . blueeyedwolff • 20h ago • NAH. Your sister can have her childless wedding, and you don't have to go. Simple as that. RSVP and decline.
    via u/blueeyedwolff
  • 19
    fairiestoldmeto 19h ago . Clear NTA at this point: "My sister got very upset with me, saying it's her special day, and she feels like I'm putting our baby above her wedding." Of course you are. That's absolutely the right order of things. Baby comes before sisters and weddings always. Silly sister.
    via u/fairiestoldmeto
  • 20
    Stone AgePrue • 19h ago • Why don't you, husband and baby go to where the wedding is, get a hotel room, and you attend the ceremony while husband is with the baby? There are reasonable options here that don't include you getting to bring your child when no one else can or skipping the wedding. Think outside of the box here.
    via u/StoneAgePrue

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